Nothing I've been through in my life, and no love in the world could have ever prepared me for this... The love I have for her is almost painful at times. It's scary to love someone so much that after only minutes of knowing them you know you would do anything for them, and that all of a sudden they are everything to you. I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything!
I have been lucky enough to have this time off work to spend with Payten. When I was planning for this time I thought of a whole list of projects I wanted to get done while we were at home. People kept telling me I wouldn't have time but until now I didn't believe them. It is amazing how quick my days go by just trying to get done everything I need to with her. It was almost overwhelming at first realizing that I had another human being who depended entirely on me, for her food, cleanliness, happiness and comfort. But the more time that goes by the easier it gets and the more routine it all becomes.
I find myself spending 20 minutes changing her diaper because I just love the bonding time, being face to face with her. She is so intense in her stare, it feels like she is trying to learn just as much about me through my eyes as I am about her. My mom and I have both said we think she will be very intelligent because she spends so much time just looking around and taking everything in. It is so exciting watching her grow and become a little person. Slowly I watch her gain personality!
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